Microsoft Team Leader: So? our Windows Mobile (tm) devices play videos and music and integrate with outlook and have dozens of tested and reliable apps ready to download at a moment's whim.
Microsoft Engineer: First of all; You sound a little bit gay - I mean, seriously, 'At a moment's whim'?
MSTL: I'm not gay, I'm British!
MSE: You all look the same to me. Anyway, doesn't matter, that wasn't really my point... We may actually do all those things but we run them off of an overclocked Texas Instruments calculator - and it shows.
MSTL: What are you saying?
Second Microsoft Engineer: He's saying we suck at life.
MSE: Precisely
SMSE: Thank you
MSE: You're welco...
MSTL: Wait just one bloody god-damn minute! Are you saying this is better than our stuff?
MSE: By an order of magnitude...
SMSE: Two even...
MSTL: But how? We've squandered hundreds of millions of dollars, paid thousands of developers, gone through 6 versions not including CE and they're just making their first smartphone!
MSE: Well, it's simply really, I'll be happy to explain it if you like...
MSTL: All right then...
MSE: Ok, here goes; When we developed the first smartphone OS's we looked around and found the fastest motorola Dragonball Z processors available at the time and built a silly rip-off of Palm OS with a cheap and pixelated windows 'Skin' on top of it, correct?
MSTL: Of course.
MSE: Well, herein lies the fault, you see. Apple went and examined their best-of-class Operating System and asked 'How can we get this to run on a machine the size of a business-card holder.'
SMSE: Add to that the fact that they're the only company in history which can boast true innovation in the field of handheld computing...
MSTL: WHAT?!?! Are you on crack? They've never released a handheld computer!
MSE: Actually, the peon's right, sir... They invented the whole damn field, they just did it a few years too early - it was called the 'Newton'.
MSTL: No shit?
MSE: I shit you not...
MSTL: Wow.
MSE: Yup.
SMSE: Yup indeed.
MSTL: Wait. Then what the hell are we supposed to do now?
MSE: Nothing.
MSTL: Nothing?! Why in the name of all that is good and holy would we do 'nothing'?!?!
MSE: Well, they sorta screwed themselves on this one.
MSTL: What? Really?! How?
MSE: Well, they've proved it was possible to jump 5 years into the future within the limitations of today's technology but then locked themselves into a minimum of 2 years with only one service provider (Cingular), this is pretty much on par with them not licensing the Mac OS during the entire decade in which 'Windows' managed to utterly marginalise them as a 'Niche' OS.
MSTL: Oh, I see... So you're saying we need to give them just enough rope to hang themselves with?
MSE: Oh, no! Dear God, no... We're still pretty much f***ed - but there isn't anything we can do to exceed - or even match - their achievements, so it's pretty much Symbian's day in the sun for the next 2 or three years. Also, as a footnote, I quit.
MSTL: That's beginning to sound like a pretty good idea...
SMSE: [snicker] ...Way ahead of you... I was sending resumes out during the keynote...
MSTL: Smart move, kid. I'd promote you for that on any other day.
SMSE: Thank you sir, that's very kind.
MSTL: Yes, well, tally-ho... Options to sell, people to see...
MSE: Tally-ho, sir... Tally-ho.
- Oren Goldschmidt
Tuesday, 9 January 2007
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4 comments:
It's very nice. I like!
Wow, no Apple fans involved in this, eh?
stop sucking Jobs' dick, you Macfaggot
Yup, you're absolutely right, I was sucking Jobs' dick. Keep in mind though that if you read it in its entirety you'd realise that while fellating Jobs I was simultaneously directing an entire harem towards the nice boys over at Symbian ;)
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